I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
