I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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