So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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