I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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