is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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