I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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