Just cropdusted the office
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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