I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
