i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
