And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
