The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
