people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
