it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You need Xanax blowdarts
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
