i just had sex bonerless
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
