I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
