Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Acid is not a monday night drug
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
