I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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