we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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