So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
