Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
