i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
