so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
