I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
