I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
