I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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