A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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