I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
