I will die if light touches me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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