so explain again why im purple
no
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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