Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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