from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
