Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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