Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
