I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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