We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
