can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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