then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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