So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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