Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
pray to the hookup gods
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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