Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dick very happy bro
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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