Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
