she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I want is dick and wine.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
