I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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