So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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