Buhtt sex?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
