you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
