it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
