HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
