how can u be prego again
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
