i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I see more hoeing in ur future
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